Jane - Uh-oh, I think the wild one's got a boo-boo.
(Kevin continues groaning)
Jeffy - Hey, you broke the Tommy Sherman Memorial Tree.
Joey - Good thing he's dead or he'd really let you have it.
Jane - This is sort of like what happened at my fourth birthday party, only it involved a tiny tricycle and a chimp.
Daria - The difference being?
(at the Thompson house)
(Kevin and Brittany are sitting in his bedroom, which is decked out in all sorts of football paraphernalia; his knee is heavily bandaged)
Brittany - Oh, Kevvy, I don't care if you squished the Tommy Sherman Memorial Tree. I still love you.
Kevin - Tommy Sherman was the greatest Q.B. Lawndale ever had. I, too, was a quarterback once. Now I'm just a... one-knee guy.
Brittany - But your knee will heal.
Kevin - When? Face it, Britt, you've got cheerleader-type active womanly needs. And look at me... look at me! Kissing me now would be like kissing one of those guys who wear old man pants and watch Touched By an Angel.
(he starts removing his shoulder pads)
Brittany - Kevvy, no!
Kevin - Babe, it's gotta be this way.
Brittany - No! It can be like before. Let me bring you a Gatorade.
Kevin - No! Only sportsmen can drink sports drinks. (tosses Gatorade out the window) From now on, I drink Yoo-Hoo.
Brittany - No...! (starts crying)
(the usual students are in Mr. O'Neill's class, with the notable absence of Kevin)
Brittany - Then he said that his armpits would know only the embrace of his crutches.
Jodie - What does that mean?
Brittany - I don't know, but it sounds bad. Like, Kevvy's armpits have feelings, but not for me. Now what do I do with lips so empty, so yearning?
Jodie - Lips? So, we're off the armpit thing?
Daria - You know, if you break up Brittany's attempt at thought, it looks like a Mystik Spiral song.
Jane - (grabs Daria's notepad) "Armpits have feelings, but not for me. Now what do I do with lips emp-ty?" Eh. Are you sure you don't want to replace "lips" with "skull?"
Daria - It's a work in progress.
Mr. DeMartino - Well, forgive me if I didn't see the sign on the door that said girls' exorcism room!
Helen - Oh, dear, your father's braking with his angry foot again.
Quinn - If we moved to a popular town, he'd be happier.
Helen - Quinn, we're not moving.
Jake - That's it, we're moving! Look at this -- it say Lawndale High's football team is the worst in Lawndale history. It says Lawndale High is a school for losers!
Helen - Jake, that's the Lawndale Shopper. It's written by an 80-year-old man who, if you recall, had to be taken off his roof by the fire department because he thought he was being chased by screaming mice.
Jake - That doesn't mean it isn't true.
Quinn - Oh, Daddy, mice don't scream.
Daria - Yeah, you're thinking of lobsters. Who's up for seafood?
Jake - The value of our home... destroyed. Our life's investment... gone! Good-bye, retirement. Good-bye, condo on the golf course. Helen, we're ruined! Don't you see?!
Helen - I see you shopped angry again. Now what are we going to do with five pounds of... "Jay-Tees' Jellied Pork Shoulder?" Ecch...
Artie - You go to Lawndale High, right?
Jane - No. We're reform school gals looking for love in all the wrong places.
And that's how I've saved countless youth children as a walking safety don't. And when kids are about to do something dangerous, they go, "Hey, I don't want to do this. I want to be like that cool safety guy."
Brittany - He'd be such a wonderful father.
Daria - Of a coconut.
Kevin - Now, my crutches are like my best feature.
Daria - Taking over the role formerly played by his car.
Jane - Well, this plan backfired perfectly.
Mr. DeMartino - Kevin, that report was peachy!
Kevin - Thanks.
Mr. DeMartino - Although what it has to do with the League of Nations, which was your assigned topic, I fail to understand!
Kevin - I mean, what's saving lives if there's no one to make out with?
Daria - I believe Gandhi asked that same question.
Jane - It's why he had to be eliminated.
(of a planted medical crutch) Brittany - I wonder why it isn't blossoming?
Daria - Did you take the little rubber thing off the bottom?
Brittany - Oh!
Jane - Oh, mmm, Daria? Maybe we should go inside before lightning strikes you dead and bits of you mess up my nice shoes.
Cheerleaders - We're not losers! We're not losers! We're not losers! Lawndale rules!
Jane - Brittany worked all week writing that.
Tom - It shows. The reiteration? Powerful.
Daria - Like getting hit in the head repeatedly with a sock full of quarters.